Taking A Stance Against the Abuser

Taking Charge

Aja Beckwith

Age:  21

I want to begin by saying that I’m 21 years of age and I am currently going through a divorce.  In the past year, I have been going through a struggle mentally due to physical, mental, verbal and emotional abuse.  In the beginning, I thought it would have been the happiest relationship in my entire life.  As the cliche says, “It was almost too good to be true.”  In reality, it truly was too good to be true. 

The verbal abuse was the first to begin.  If I wasn’t doing what he wanted me to do or agreeing with what he was doing, even in his wrong he began to demean and make me feel worthless all over again.  Verbal abuse in my life did not start with my ex-husband.  It began as a young child with family that was supposed to protect, cover and love me, but in all reality made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of love.  I thought that I had completely gotten healed from my childhood experiences until the same thing began with him.  At this point, I realized that I was never truly healed.  I stayed because I felt like he would change due to how much he would apologize and sadly, the level of sincerity in his apology.  Things would then be smooth until something else, no matter how small it was ruffled his feathers.  Then, it began to escalate to more than just words.

The Cycle of Dysfunction

This is where the physical abuse began.  I have been hit, choked, dragged and practically thrown as well as a target for his anger to be released from the hurts of his past.  The problem is bandages were being put on an issue that needed surgery.  Therefore, I was getting the backlash from the internal battle within him.  He never took time to see how it was effecting me because he was so used to being told he was wrong and bad as a child.  His childhood was horrifying as he was abused to the point of hospitalization, which made it that when he became an adult he had his mind set that he was always right and perfect.  I would call that a false sense of entitlement that came from him not seeking or accepting the proper help to get healed.  He felt justified in his actions causing him to believe that he did not need help.  From his stand point, I would always be the wrong party.  Even when I wasn’t wrong, I would steadily apologize, but the more that I apologized, the angrier he became.  It would get to the point of police having to be called, windshield’s being broken and bibles being thrown through walls.  He truly wanted to be my God and was not okay with the fact that I told him that he could never be that high in my life.

Recently, I went through a depression because I was pretending to be happy when in reality I was a hot mess.  The devil was attacking my mind so bad to the point where I had an emotional break down.  I was so broken and tired to the point that I didn’t know how much more I could take.  I was literally trying to find out how to piece myself back together from the abuse.  During the relationship, I lost a baby.  Even though, I know it was a reason why God did not want me to have the baby I was still going through the emotions of that tragic loss.

"DON'T LOOK AT PICTURES AND THINGS YOU SEE ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND MAKE THEM YOUR "Goals" because you don't know the hell that is going on behind closed doors.  Use the word of God as the "Goals" for your relationship.

Some people don’t understand and probably will be shocked to read this article due to the fact of how well I kept it hidden.  I kept this secret for so long because I was afraid of being judged, talked about, being falsely accused and still fearing for my life.  I had to stay into the word of God, cry, scream, shout, throw things and talk to those close to me to begin my healing process.  If you are in an abusive situation tell someone!  If you have no one to reach out to, talk to God for he is the Almighty who will see you through!  It is never easy to leave a situation like this due to being in love, thinking the person will change, or just because of a fear of being alone.  BUT you have to GET OUT before it’s too late! 

Today is the day that we “Take a Stance Against the Abuser!!!!” (Male or Female)  If you need help and/or have no one to call for help the number for domestic abuse is 800-799-7233. 



Riverdale GA United States 30336

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